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22 March 2008 @ 12:16 am
Yeah Yeah, I need to post..  
I have neglected posting after quite a bit has happened recently and I guess it's because this awful mode I'm in of simply not caring about things and being a totally lazy bum. It really sucks and I wish I didn't feel like this. Hopefully, I can snap out of it ASAP. Well anyway, it is Friday now and I went to Surf Taco for the second time in my whole life tonight. Haha. I went with Sarah, and we had a lot of fun! We actually saw Jim Potter there OMG... I used to have crush on him! He's nothing special now it appears, but I wish he could've at least said bye or something. :( I didn't go with Will. Ughhhhhhhh. He had asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to Surf Taco, and I turned him down. Again, for like the uhhh, oh wait I've lost track after five I guess. It's not my fault, even though my mind refuses to believe so. You see, lately I've been feeling so guilty about things that I should've done, or shouldn't have done and honestly I'm driving myself insane. I haven't been able to control it lately. I wish I wasn't always worrying about what people are thinking about me and what not. As Dad told me earlier which makes total sense: IT'S MY LIFE... I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! I don't know why I worry about what they think, honestly, there must be reason why I am turning him down so much whenever Will asks to hang out. Actually there are a few reasons. 1. I LIVE at school, I don't commute, which means I AM NOT AROUND DURING THE FUCKING WEEK! 2. HE IS TAKING THINGS WAY TOO FAST FOR ME AND IT'S SCARING ME AWAY! AND NO I DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING KISS ME 3. I DON't KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM, I NEED TIME TO THINK. 4. I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM, END OF STORY.(I'm sorry, I wish it wasn't that way) 5. I THINK HE JUST WANTS A GIRLFRIEND.. NOT ME. 6. HE HASN'T BACKED OFF ENOUGH TO LET ME FUCKING THINK OR EVEN LET ME INVITE HIM OUT TO DO SOMETHING. 7. okay I think I am done bashing, but trust me I'm sure I could come up with more reasons and in my opinion I already have way too much.

Whew, okay so I shouldn't have to worry about it even though his last two texts to me really pissed me off. He asked me to text him back when I go his text because he thought there was a lag. Well, there isn't... I just take my grand old time replying to you buddy. Anyway his last words were 'whatever ...bye.' Huh? Are you serious? I dunno if he thought that through, but that sounds fucking gay to me! If you need a girlfriend you wanna posses, find a chick who wants that girly shit who lives within a 20 mile radius of your house. Argh.

Okay, I don't want to talk about Will anymore, because in honesty I don't think I would care if I didn't see him again. I know it sounds rude and mean, but the point in all this is that I don't know the guy well enough to care. I need to really know him as a person. If he doesn't have time to be friends with me first that you can turn yourself right around and walk away. Alright, I'm serious now, no more talking of Will.

This past week has has been brutal for me. Not in work load, but that fact that I'm closing myself up and away from my roomies to the point where I practically came home every damn day. My poor car! I feel so bad that I'm driving it so much. Okay so I need to promise myself that I will start pushing harder in school because right now I am not giving it enough time.

Oh boy, I just really tried. I think I might have to go to bed, but before I do let me just say that I hope I can see PJ H. because he is now single! Oh I want to get to know him! :) hehe.

Vamos Rafa! <3

Cheers

Easter is SUNDAY!!!
 
 
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