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18 November 2008 @ 06:30 pm
I pretty much skipped my 11:30 today so I could finish it, but I really don't give a damn, that place takes up my entire week and I feel like I live in the 800 building now. When people ask me what's been up, honestly not too much. I've been going to school and driving home a lot lately, but I just feel so much more at peace when I am home. I don't think you can blame me for feeling that way. So, enough chit chat. Here is my video..

Current Location: Home :]
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Nickelback - I'd Come For You
22 March 2008 @ 12:16 am
I have neglected posting after quite a bit has happened recently and I guess it's because this awful mode I'm in of simply not caring about things and being a totally lazy bum. It really sucks and I wish I didn't feel like this. Hopefully, I can snap out of it ASAP. Well anyway, it is Friday now and I went to Surf Taco for the second time in my whole life tonight. Haha. I went with Sarah, and we had a lot of fun! We actually saw Jim Potter there OMG... I used to have crush on him! He's nothing special now it appears, but I wish he could've at least said bye or something. :( I didn't go with Will. Ughhhhhhhh. He had asked me yesterday if I wanted to go to Surf Taco, and I turned him down. Again, for like the uhhh, oh wait I've lost track after five I guess. It's not my fault, even though my mind refuses to believe so. You see, lately I've been feeling so guilty about things that I should've done, or shouldn't have done and honestly I'm driving myself insane. I haven't been able to control it lately. I wish I wasn't always worrying about what people are thinking about me and what not. As Dad told me earlier which makes total sense: IT'S MY LIFE... I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! I don't know why I worry about what they think, honestly, there must be reason why I am turning him down so much whenever Will asks to hang out. Actually there are a few reasons. 1. I LIVE at school, I don't commute, which means I AM NOT AROUND DURING THE FUCKING WEEK! 2. HE IS TAKING THINGS WAY TOO FAST FOR ME AND IT'S SCARING ME AWAY! AND NO I DON'T WANT YOU TO FUCKING KISS ME 3. I DON't KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM, I NEED TIME TO THINK. 4. I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM, END OF STORY.(I'm sorry, I wish it wasn't that way) 5. I THINK HE JUST WANTS A GIRLFRIEND.. NOT ME. 6. HE HASN'T BACKED OFF ENOUGH TO LET ME FUCKING THINK OR EVEN LET ME INVITE HIM OUT TO DO SOMETHING. 7. okay I think I am done bashing, but trust me I'm sure I could come up with more reasons and in my opinion I already have way too much.

Whew, okay so I shouldn't have to worry about it even though his last two texts to me really pissed me off. He asked me to text him back when I go his text because he thought there was a lag. Well, there isn't... I just take my grand old time replying to you buddy. Anyway his last words were 'whatever ...bye.' Huh? Are you serious? I dunno if he thought that through, but that sounds fucking gay to me! If you need a girlfriend you wanna posses, find a chick who wants that girly shit who lives within a 20 mile radius of your house. Argh.

Okay, I don't want to talk about Will anymore, because in honesty I don't think I would care if I didn't see him again. I know it sounds rude and mean, but the point in all this is that I don't know the guy well enough to care. I need to really know him as a person. If he doesn't have time to be friends with me first that you can turn yourself right around and walk away. Alright, I'm serious now, no more talking of Will.

This past week has has been brutal for me. Not in work load, but that fact that I'm closing myself up and away from my roomies to the point where I practically came home every damn day. My poor car! I feel so bad that I'm driving it so much. Okay so I need to promise myself that I will start pushing harder in school because right now I am not giving it enough time.

Oh boy, I just really tried. I think I might have to go to bed, but before I do let me just say that I hope I can see PJ H. because he is now single! Oh I want to get to know him! :) hehe.

Vamos Rafa! <3


Easter is SUNDAY!!!
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Speak Easy - 311
12 February 2008 @ 01:12 am
Alright here is my second Final Fantasy AMV... Please watch it and let me know what you think... I would write more but I really have to go... cheers!

12 January 2008 @ 02:04 am
Well it's late...2:10, I'm tired, but totally excited to have finally completed my first Final Fantasy video! I made it mainly for YouTube for all the Final Fantasy fans out there like me! Please watch it and enjoy! Cheers.


Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Alicia Keys - Like You'll Never See Me Again
05 July 2007 @ 03:58 pm
I don't think I have ever been so depressed and so truly upset in my entire life as I have been this last week. The people who crashed into me have taken away something thing I loved most, and that was my baby. My green Volkswagon Carbrio. My first car, and I must tell you I will never love a car as much as I did that one. For me one of the hardest things to overcome is the fact that no one seems to understand how I feel. I am utterly sad to the point were I want to throw up at times, and others I am livid in frustration. This car accident was not my fault and probably the second reason why I simply cannot accept that I will now never see my car again and have to let it go. It just isn't fair! None of the cars that I have for the rest of my life will ever replace what has been taken me last Friday 6/29/07. Less than an hour ago I had to say goodbye to my baby knowing that I will never see or drive it again. I can't tell you how I feel because there is no word for it. I have been trying very hard to get past this, but when I finally feel a little bit better I torture myself and start to think that I am just writing off my car, and I never want to feel that way. I guess the only thing that will help me heal is time, but I will ALWAYS remember my car no matter what. I will write more later, but now I am just too sad. Tomorrow I will hopefully work my first day up in little silver. The last time I went there was Friday, that morning... I can say all these what if's like: what if carly never went to mom-mom and pop-pops, or if I had not played the sims when I should've been going over to my grandparents house for lunch. All these things haunt me and make me so sad. I feel like it is still my fault that this happened and I did this to my baby. I meant for anything to happen like this, not at all. Okay I will write later. Cheers...
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Favola - Modà
01 April 2007 @ 10:46 pm
Here's what I just wrote instead doing my science homework. I helped me, but I'd need to write like fifty more of these to truly feel better. Here it is:

Angst is all I feel
So much so my heart might burst in embarrassing passion
This burning inside me
It hurts me to see you talk with her
Every syllable
I cripple and turn away like a wilting rose from the hot sun
Watching as the black widow spins her web tighter where there’s no escape
Blinded by a person who knows how to fake herself
I cannot fake
My façade is weak
Let me be the light
A soft wind
Open brown eyes and realize love
An overflow of constrained emotion
Is it obvious?
Taking the easy way out every time to conceal it
Easy is not the word
This time it’s different
Greater than the vast ocean
I’m fighting it back
My feet are on the doorstep but will he answer?
An answer from the heart
From the utmost inner depths of his soul
So close yet so very far
Countless miles in a pool of uncertainty
Love me as I know I can love you
Current Music: Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
20 March 2007 @ 11:51 am
I probably won't finish this entry right now but I figured I'd start it because I'm still quite nervous and have nothing much better to do. I never ended up writing again last night because I was so overwhelmed with work. I couldn't avoid doing it any longer and I ended up staying up working until 3:30 in the morning. It doesn't matter though, I wasn't really all that tired, and making sure I knew exactly what to say for the debate was my main concern. I needed to make sure I wasn't stuck up there in silence because it's so embarrassing! God answered my prayers yesterday, and I want to thank him for everything he has done for me. Thank you. I was able to see Pedro, not in the dinning hall, but on the way back. Him and group of other dudes must've been heading over to the dinning hall and I passed them. At first I was upset that I did not see them in there, but it is better that I saw them outside because he noticed me and said hello. Jay even went out of his way to reach over and wave to me! I thought that was cute of him. Now I know for sure that they know they are coming to Maryland with us on Sunday because I talked to Vik online last night in the midst of all my work chaos. I also talked to Mel R. I miss her SOO badly, I can't even begin to explain. I really believe we could be best friends if we both put more effort into getting together. I think she's afraid to call me, like I am to her. She told me she wanted to come kidnap me, and of all the nights to do it, she picked the most perfect one. I survived it though and now I feel free.


I'm back from Graphic Design and Wawa now. It's 4:50 and I'm sitting here yearning for Rafael Nadal and Pedro equally. I'm so excited that The Sony Ericsson Open in Miami is this week, and I hope ESPN will be so kind as to show some of the matches again. Rafa has been amazing me left and right these past few weeks. He's such an inspiration, and for him to come out of his slump makes me so excited. I want him to beat Rogi again. They're about due for another meeting.. tehehe. Vamos!

Anyway, as I was coming back from Graphic with my big arse piece of foam board and folder in my hands going down into the tunnel, I realized that I may end up running into one of the boys going to tennis practice. Then I told myself that it is going to start in less than five minutes so they're probably all over there already. Nope! From the other side of the tunnel I see who, none other than Pedro, running rather funny with his tennis bag on his back toward me, obviously not wanting to be late for practice. He stopped running halfway into the tunnel, but I wasn't staring at him and I couldn't tell if he was looking at me. It felt so wrong to pass him without saying hello, even though it is stupid to keep doing so without conversation, but nonetheless, wrong. I want to know why he stopped running. Did he notice it was me and not want to saying anything? I don't know, but I do know that yet again I'm thinking way too much into this. Even though I really want to see him again in the dh tonight, I'm so friggin tired and haven't even taken a shower today. Not even a washing of the face... haha! I must look terrible, and yesterday I'm pretty sure I looked terrible when I past him on the way back. Eck. I long for the the awards ceremony at the end of the year so I can dress up and actually look like a girl when I see him.. lol.

I am so tired I want to lay down right now, but I don't know what to do. I need to shower, but I might go to the gym later. Ugh, I might lay down for a bit because I'm close to doing the head bob. In any case, when I was talking to Vik last night he seemed curious to know when we started practicing outside. I told him practice starts on Wednesday at 4:30-6:30, but of course I have class during that time. Not cool. There is a possibility he will let us out early, but doubtful considering we are going to be working on our newest project. Okay, and just a random note before I go lay down... I've got to call Kevin at the Atlantic Club!! Ahh, I'm scared but I must! Okay I'm out. Cheers.

-oh ps- spring begins tomorrow officially!! YAY!!
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: 4 minutes - Avant
16 January 2007 @ 10:48 am
'Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.' Sorry I just had to say that because whenever I go back I always think of that one line from Billy Madison. Haha, that movie is spot on! Haven't watched in a few years. Anyway, before I go completely off topic I'd better get back to reality. So here, I am sitting in my dorm room, having some nice privacy already. Both roomies have class right now and I must say I'd love to have my own room! It would be sick! Anyhow, this morning I had critical discourse and we had to talk a little bit about ourselves and other people and it went surprisingly well. All the people in there seem really nice and for once it feels like I'm not going to be the only one terrified of talking in front of the class. What relieves me the most is knowing that the teacher is not a nightmare and she seems quite nice. The only other class I have for today is Graphic Design 2, which is going to be cake. I was stressing over all this yesterday, but it's turning out great so far. Yesterday I got to watch a good portion of Rafa's match here at school, Maria took so freakin long in her match that I had to leave before Rafa even started. Rafa wiped up Kendrick in three fairly easy sets so it was done very fast. I talked to Jimmy online last night, we had a good tennis chat and learned he is obsessed with Hingis, haha it was so funny, but most of what he said is actually true. She has great 'hands' and a good feel for the court. Even though, I've never liked her and have made fun of her all these years since I was about ten, I've got to say she has got pure talent. So enough about Hingis, Rafa and Roger I hope do really well and I kinda want Fed to win, he deserves it. I've been going onto MTF a lot lately and seeing all these fans and stuff and how big they actually are and I remember at the qualifiers when Rog walked right past me with a few other dudes and there was hardly anyone else around. IT was the strangest thing and I'd love to know what he was doing, but he stopped all of a sudden when Dad and I did and he looked at me for a moment while I looked at him. I have no friggin clue what that was, but if he was looking at me I can't believe it.

Jimmy is supposed to be giving me daily reports on the matches every which I think is hilarious. He's more the glad to do it too. I'm truly thankful for him and how we can play and talk tennis all the time. I can't wait for three o'clock when it comes back on ESPN. I have a class before then but hopefully I won't be missing anything. Ha, you know what's funny. I'm gonna watch all the tennis I can and I don't even care what my roomies think. I don't even care that it's boring them... tehehe. The only thing that really sucks is that it goes one way into the night and I know I will be dead tonight after all this. The thing is I can't wait to start playing tennis again. I need toooo! Well I know that PEdro won't we here until next week, but I wonder whether or not Tom is back. Who knows, I personally am just curious, nothing more. I guess he seems nice, but I'm telling you right now I'm not going to extend myself on this more than I should. It would be ridiculous. I just checked my horoscope and the one for tomorrow has really inspired me: Better days are ahead; you can bank on a creative vision you have to provide income down the line. Allow yourself some alone time among the hustle and bustle, as maintaining your own identity is important, also... See that is what I need to do. Cheers!
Current Mood: okayokay
13 January 2007 @ 12:41 am
As I sit here at 12:42 am at night, I'm wondering what my life has in store for me. I just checked my e-mail and there was a message stating that another girl from my year died a few days ago in a fatal car accident. I didn't know her, but it is just so sad that people do die this young. I know I shouldn't be worrying about these things, but who knows how long I will live, life is so unpredictable. It's scary, you can't live your life in fear that it might happen to you because it won't get you very far. I hate to say it, but I'm not in such a great mood right now. I haven't seen many of my friends that I wanted to get together with over the break and now I only have the weekend left. The Aussie Open starts the same exact day I have to move back into the dorm room and I can tell you right now how extremely unfair that is! I'm gonna postpone going up there for as long as possible so I can see some matches. I need my boy Rafa to do well and I hope his thigh is healed up now. Uh, it would be awful if he had pull out a second year in a row. I realize how much I really do love Rafa. He blows my mind. I got the 2007 calendar yesterday and it was well worth the wait because the photos and graphics took my breath away. Good Lord.

Well for the past three days I've been seriously cleaning up my room and throwing a lot of old childhood things away. Let me just say it is hard, because I want to hold onto every childhood memory I possibly can, everything has sentimental value in my eyes. Mom just rolls her eyes at me now when I want to keep things I don't need. The point is I've made a lot of progress and my room is coming along very nicely. I just want to be finished with it before I go back to school. Another thing I want to finish is my Harry Potter book because I fear I might not finish it until the end of school and by then I would have forgotten the whole story.

OMG, I suddenly have tis wave of grief strike over me. I miss my friends so much and why can't I just call them to say hello! I REALLY want to talk to Mel R and Sarah P, I've got to talk to them before I go back. I cannot stand the fact that when I do go back I won't be seeing Pedro for a whole week more. The thing that I was I was right now, more than anything was a professional tennis player. I don't care a single bit about money. I want the life of travel, respect, competition, ability. Oh how I wish it were so. Okay, well it turns out me writing has just made me even more depressed so I better stop. I will write tomorrow if I can. One good thing I can be proud of today though is that I did call Adrienne and leave a message for her. Oh how I hope I get to work at the country club! It would be my dream come true. Cheers everyone.
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: My Oh My -David Gray
23 December 2006 @ 02:34 pm
I wouldn't let myself check facebook after I got back from the mall last night with Dad. Before we left I somehow brought myself to write on Pedro's wall. I know, I'm still in shock that I actually did it! It's not like me to be so bold. I figured that I'd be able to keep my mind on other things than pondering too much about it if I went directly to the mall after doing it. It worked and I had a great time at the mall because Dad and I had awesome luck in getting all the stuff we wanted. When we got back I refused to go online even though the temptation was overwhelming. I didn't want to be disappointed if he hadn't written anything back, or the thought that he didn't want to write back because I was weird or something. Well, this morning when I woke up I couldn't hold back any longer. I went from bed to laptop in a matter of seconds.. haha. I didn't go directly to facebook, but instead went onto my school e-mail where all alerts that people have written on my wall go. As the mail opened there were quite a few facebook messages from people that I hadn't erased yet, but as I scanned the names there it was, his name. My hands were trembling and sweaty as I changed the address to facebook. Turns out I could've checked it last night and would've had success because about two hours later he had replied to me!! :DD He wrote 'Thanks a lot.. (his usual dot dot dots, then next line) you too... have a great christmas!!' Simple yet wonderful! I'm so happy that I did it, but I'm scared of what other people are thinking, not that that should matter...

Okay, so that's over and done with. Maybe he has a better opinion of me and we can be friends. We'll see. Anyway, in a little bit I'm going to the annual family Christmas party, I hope it is fun. I'm going to take pictures this year!! YAAY!! I'm just gonna totally be myself and have a great time! Mom and Carly already left, but I'm waiting for Dad to get back and to also let my hair dry. Alright, I'm going to get ready now! Let me just say thank the lord for my grandparents being okay, they gave us quite a scare yesterday. Also, thank you Pedro you are a beautiful person on the inside as well! I don't deserve you. Cheers everyone! Only two days until Christmas! <3
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Babylon -David Gray